In the digital age in which we live, the internet has taken over. Most of…
“ It takes two to tango!” and likewise it takes two to make a marriage work. It is natural for all couples to have differences and experience difficulties from time to time and that doesn’t mean a bad marriage. Marriage itself is a learning process where both individuals grow as a couple and learn to address, cope and work together to achieve marital satisfaction.
There are many reasons for couples to drift apart and they differ from couple to couple. However,common presentations that lead to unhappiness in a relationship usually involve lack of sexual intimacy, Online Pornography, and Communication breakdown.
Studies have shown that two thirds of Australian men view pornography, some up to 5 hours a day. Twenty percent of porn addicts prefer pornography to having sex with their wives (News.com.au, September 13, 2012). Accessing pornography excessively can result in addiction, which affects various aspects of a person’s life. In arecent survey, 87% of respondents said that their partner’s online cheating by the use of porn or other means on the Internet had a negative effect on their relationship (Huffpost, January 7, 2015).
While it is difficult to say if your spouse/partner is addicted to pornography without a comprehensive assessment by a qualified practitioner here are some signs that should act as red flags:
1. Socially withdrawn
2. Spending excessive time online till late in the night
3. Secretive of their online activities including keeping private email address
4. Less fulfilling sex
5. Reduced sexual intimacy
6. Emotionally detached
7. Negative Mood changes
The best solution is to discuss these issues openly in a non-blaming manner to find ways to savage the relationship. Encourage your spouse/ partner to attend marriage counselling melbourne if necessary.
Our hectic work schedules and stressful lifestyle are one of the primary reasons for loweredsexual and emotional intimacy between couples. You can’t have a healthy relationship until you start making time for physical or emotional affection. It is never too late to rekindle the romance and this is easily achieved by taking a few steps:
1. Recognising the reason for absence of intimacy. Finances, work commitments and children are some common pressures.
2. Reconnect emotionally with your spouse/partner by making them feel good about you emotionally. This could be done by simply doing something both of you enjoy such as telling a joke or reminiscing on good old memories.
3. Discover each other’s intimacy style. There are many ways to connect intimately and it is unique to each couple. Some couples might connect by physical affection and others by complimentary affections.
4. Cool off the pressure! It is understandable to feel hurt and angry if intimacy is absent. While waiting to rebuild intimacy, practice patience! Don’t stress yourself and your partner out!
Communication is the lifeblood of a marriage. Research has demonstrated communication to be the most vital link in keeping the familial ties strong. Communicationallows both parties to share and receive messages (verbally or body language) resulting in a degree of understanding within a marriage. It is crucial to continue to address and improve communication as a relationship grows. We are not mind readers and cannot assume that our partner will know what we are thinking.
Some simple ways to fix a faulty communication:
1. Be aware of your own emotions. We tend to ignore, deny or suppress our emotions some times and identifying internal emotions is essential for overall well-being.
2. Sharing your feelings will minimise dangers of misinterpretation.
3. Using “I” statements encourages ownership and reduces conflict and resentment thus addressing the problems.
4. Listening effectively helps to understand what is said. A study demonstrated poor listening to be a major perpetrator of communication breakdown.
It is important to seek professional help if you and your partner are unable to manage the problems. Sometimes an objective third party, who is appropriately trained to provide marriage counselling will not only help to identify the problems creating the marital discord, but also provide strategies to address the problematic behaviours whilst developing new positive habits to strengthen the relationship.
If you never try, you will never know and it is never too late to reignite the love spark!
Contact Psychologists Melbourne CBD for Marriage & Couple Counselling as well as Relationship Counselling Melbourn.