Couples Counselling: How to get the most out of it

Many unhappy couples turn to marriage counsellors to help them improve their relationship. A common assumption is that anyone on the brink of separation would benefit from sitting down together for a few sessions with an expert third party, someone who can make sense of conflict, and encourage two discontented people to listen to each other. But does it always help?

The Effectiveness of Couples Counselling

New research from the Australian Institute of Family Studies shows that whilst many couples may not benefit from counselling, couples counselling works for approximately 70 to 75 percent of couples. The research found that counselling worked best for couples who had a good relationship with their therapist, believed in the value of therapy and its likelihood of success and were committed to making their relationship work.

When Might It Not Work?

There are many reasons why a relationship may fail, even with the help of relationship counselling. Couples who are in abusive relationships, either physical or emotional, should not expect improvement in therapy until the abusive behaviour stops. Likewise, the presence of substance abuse may impede the effectiveness unless the addicted person is actively working to manage the addiction. Sometimes couples don’t seek professional help until it is too late for the relationship to be saved or they may not find the right counsellor with an approach that works for them.

How to Maximize the Chances of a Positive Outcome

Couples counselling is not always successful and some relationships just can’t be saved. However, there are many things that can be done to help bring about a positive outcome:

• Have the Right Attitude

When it comes to improving a relationship, the attitude toward change from both people is more important that what action to take. Positive outcomes are most likely when the couple undergoing the therapy have a willingness to increase knowledge about themselves, their partner, their emotions, and the patterns of interaction between each other. Each person should be open to new ways of thinking, and be willing to own their part in the relationship problems as well as the process of bringing about positive change. Many individuals begin couple’s therapy with a list of complaints about the other person, although they may be valid complaints, nothing will be resolved unless both individuals are open to change some aspect of their own behaviour.

• Find the Right Psychologist

Finding the right therapist with an effective approach is a very important part of couples counselling. Most counsellors or psychologists will claim that they do marriage or couples counselling, however many haven’t received the proper training. Relationship counselling isn’t just one person and his or her issues, it’s two people, their issues, and the interaction and dynamics of those issues. It’s a learned skill that requires a specialist, so shop around and make sure you find the right counsellor for your situation.

• Don’t Wait Until It’s Too Late

It is commonly believed by most therapists that relationship counselling will be effective when the couple seeks professional help as soon as possible. If a couple waits until their problems are too far advanced, one person may have already given up on the relationship, and saving the relationship at that point may be difficult. By waiting too long, communication patterns may have become so abusive or negative that the counsellor may struggle to teach the couple new communication techniques. For the best chance at success, couples should seek therapy as soon as possible.

• Reflect and Practice Between Sessions

It’s important for both people to continuously reflect and refine their objectives for being in counselling. The more conversation there is in between the sessions, the faster and more thoroughly the relationship you want will be achieved. Thinking about the next steps and being prepared for each session with a point of focus for how to move forward will help you move you towards the relationship you want to have.

The success of couples counselling is highly dependent on the relationship between the couple and the counsellor so it is essential to select an experienced therapist who is trained and experienced in all areas of relationship counselling. The experienced Psychologists at Psylegal are here to help you and your partner achieve your relationship goals. For more information on our relationship counselling services call us today on 1300 79 22 09.