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Supporting a Friend or Family Member After a Traumatic Event
It can be difficult to see someone you care about struggle with the distress caused by a traumatic or frightening event and it can be even harder to understand their pain and know how to make them feel better. While there is nothing you can say or do that will make the person’s pain disappear, your support along with that of other friends, family and health professionals, plays a significant role in their recovery process. At Psylegal, our team of Melbourne life coaches and psychologists and are highly experienced in helping individuals overcome the effects of PTSD and other traumatic events. If you have a loved one that is struggling after a distressing event here’s how you can show your support.
How to Offer Support
Just being there for someone is a great way of showing support, however it’s also a good idea to ask the person who has experienced a traumatic event if there’s anything specific you can do to help them. Our suggestions include:
Make time to be with them
Also make it obvious that you are available. It’s important not to try to move someone on before they are ready, because the traumatic experience makes us feel uncomfortable. People who have had a traumatic experience can feel very reassured by human contact, so make yourself available for them and encourage them to engage a full support network.
Listen to them
It’s important to give them time to talk at their own pace, don’t pressure them. Allow them to be upset about what has happened, but don’t make assumptions about how they feel. Definitely avoid dismissing their experiences by saying “it could have been worse” or questioning why they didn’t say or do something differently.
Let them know you are there for them without judging
Many people find it hard to understand why a friend or family member can’t ‘move on’ or ‘get over it’. Although you may wish things could get back to normal, it’s important not to blame them or put pressure on them to get better without the time and support they need.
Do enjoyable things with them
Go to the movies, go for a walk or have a game to tennis, you may need to help them come up with some ideas by asking them what activities they used to enjoy before the traumatic event, or making some suggestions. Encourage them to plan to do at least one enjoyable thing each day.
Offer practical support
Things such as cleaning, cooking or shopping can be overwhelming and stressful so you could offer to do the housework or the grocery shopping for them, or pick up their children from school – anything that might help take a bit of pressure off them.
Respect their personal space
People who experience have experienced a trauma may be edgy, jumpy, easily startled or feel they need to constantly watch out for danger. Avoid crowding the person, don’t touch or hug them without permission and try not to startle or surprise them.
Look after yourself as well
This is a very important thing you can do to help your loved one. Supporting someone who has been through a traumatic event can take a toll on you, sometimes so much so that your own health can be affected and you can no longer act as an effective support person. Reach out to friends and other supportive people in your community, you may even benefit from the help of a counsellor or life coach, or the help of a support group.
Where to Get Help
If you are worried about a loved one or need the help of trained medical professionals yourself, it’s important to know where to find help and where you can talk to someone you trust and are comfortable with. There are many general practitioners, counsellors and life coaches highly experienced with trauma that can help with recovery.
At Psylegal, we offer counselling in Melbourne for trauma and anxiety to individuals who are finding life challenging and stressful due to a traumatic event. Counselling and therapy are about healing and finding your way again towards a life of contentment and purpose. Contact us today on 1300 792 209 to make an appointment.