What to Do if Your Child is Being Bullied

Bullying can be devastating for a child’s confidence and self-esteem. With the prevalent use of social media, inappropriate behaviour between kids is not limited to within the school grounds, bullying can occur outside of school hours via emails, text messages, and social media posts. Bullying and cyberbullying, can be hurtful and aggressive, and have harmful effects on any child including depression and anxiety. At Psylegal, we are Melbourne’s experts in depression treatment and we have many years’ experience helping children overcome the negative effects of bullying. Here is our guide to bullying and what you can do to help your child if they find themselves being the victim of schoolyard harassment.

Bullying Can Exist in Many Forms:

• Physical – pushing, punching, tripping or hitting
• Verbal – name-calling, threats or teasing
• Psychological/Emotional – spreading rumours or excluding someone from a conversation or activity
• Cyber – using technology to hurt someone by sending hurtful messages, pictures or comments

How to Tell If Your Child is Being Bullied

Many victims of bullying don’t tell anyone what is happening. Either they are too scared, embarrassed or think it may make the situation worse. A child that is bullied may be reluctant to go to school, or may not want to associate with the kids they used to play with. Children who are being victimized may complain of headaches and stomach aches, especially in the morning. Younger children may become clingy with their parents, whereas older children tend to isolate themselves. Any changes in the behaviour or your child may be a warning sign that they are being bullied.

Who Do Bullies Target?

Kids who become targets are more likely to be shy and timid, and tend to have higher levels of depression and anxiety to begin with. Standing out from the crowd or being different for any reason such as race, religion, gender identity, disability or sexual orientation often makes a child a prime target for schoolyard bullies. There is more to bullying than the target or aggressor, however, peers play a critical role in reinforcing the behaviour. While most kids agree that bullying is wrong, ganging up against a social outcast strengthens their bonds to the group. Bullying someone without an audience is very rare.

What Should You Do If You Think Your Child is Being Bullied?

Talk with your child about the bullying – One of the best ways to help is to listen and talk about the bullying. It’s also a good way to find out more before you talk to the teacher about it. Stay calm and let your child know it’s normal to feel upset. Also make sure your child knows it’s not their fault, and that they know you support them and will help them through it.

Coach your child on how to defuse an attack – A child’s reaction to the first taunt can have an impact on whether he or she becomes a perpetual target. When children respond submissively and shows they’re hurt, that can be rewarding for the bully, and if a child gets heated and tries to retaliate, that seems to increase their risk of getting targeted again. According to research, humour is often a good strategy, while it can be tough to pull off, cracking a joke in response to an attack may deprive the bully of their reward. Children can also deter bullies by getting support from teachers and other adults who will discipline the child, and by bringing in peers who can help them stand up against tormentors.

Help your child understand why some children bully – It might help them realise the situation isn’t their fault. For example, you could tell your child that the person who is bullying might:

• be copying other people, and not know that bullying is wrong
• not know how to be nice to other people
• have a problem and think that making other people feel bad will make things better
• like to be in control and have power over others

Talk to your child’s teachers – Since bullying tends to escalate away from adult eyes, ask teachers to keep an eye out for your child during lunch breaks and recess. Schools take bullying extremely seriously, and all Australian schools have policies related to bullying. Schools will always focus first on protecting the child who is being bullied.

• Make a time to speak privately with the teacher
• Calmly present your concerns as a joint issue for you both to deal with
• Discuss the problem with the teacher and ask for the teacher’s views
• End the meeting with a plan for how the situation will be managed

Your child might not want you to talk to the teacher, they might be embarrassed or worried that it will make the bullying worse. Listen to your child’s concerns and try to make an appointment at the school at a time when other students are less likely to notice. In the end, you may need to involve teachers even if it is against the wishes of your child.

Supporting Your Child

At home your child needs lots of support and love while you and the classroom teacher work on stopping the bullying at school. Make time each day to chat with your child about the good and bad parts of their day. Don’t always asking about bullying, ask more general questions such as what they enjoyed most that day. Continually let your child know that they are not alone and that you are there to help them through it. Sometimes professional support might help your child deal with bullying. You could talk to your GP or professional counsellor for more information.

If your child is being bullied and is suffering anxiety or depression because of it, contact the team at Psylegal today. We are here to help. Specialising in depression treatment and counselling for Melbourne children and teenagers, we can help your child get back to their happy confident selves. Give us a call today to find out more.